Category Archives: humour

Surviving your family at Christmas.

Its the Christmas dream....until the kids start arguing

Its the Christmas dream….until the kids start arguing

Christmas is T minus 48 hours away. Many of us have put on our Out of Office, wrapped our presents, and are preparing for the annual family get together. But when the festive glow fades and you are all cooped up in a living room, a family Christmas dream can quickly turn into a nightmare.  We have had plenty of experience dealing with family drama at Christmas so we rounded up some great advice from Social Circle HQ. So here is our guide to surviving your family at Christmas.

Accept them for who they are.

Uncle Nigel may voice a few right wing opinions.  Grandma may ask if you have tried ‘batting for the other side’ because you have been single too long. Your brothers may get into a burping competition and Mum’s screams of frustration from the kitchen may be heard from miles around.  It is annoying being expected to help clean the kitchen whilst the teens are snapchatting their friends. Just breathe. Offer to help with cooking or even take them out if forty years of mum moaning that ‘she does everything’ is wearing thin.  

Whilst we are not saying you should put up with toxic behaviour,  it is far easier, for one day, to accept them for who they are and try and see the humour in the situation – any awkward or embarrassing moments will make for a good belly laugh when you meet your friends for post-Christmas drinks.  Believe us when we say we all have stories to tell.

Invite a friend (and use them as a human shield).

Really this one pays off all round.  One of our hosts is often kidnapped by friends who insist she shouldn’t be alone at Christmas. Rather than feeling guilty, she quickly realised she was saving her friends sanity too. Your family suddenly adopt their best behaviour and lavish attention on your friend – which is always appreciated – and you have a wingman/woman to turn to when everything gets a bit much.   

Remember that whilst your family may be a deep source of shame for you – your friend loves you for who you are – meaning that they are more likely to help you see the funny side of Aunt Magda’s quirks or point out that your cousins boasts about his promotion or new car may mean he is lacking in other areas. *snigger*

Put yourself first.

The ultimate survival tip is to put your own well-being above any traditions or guilt trips you may have been subjected to.  If your family relationships are really strained and toxic then you can make other plans if it is best for your well-being. You could visit friends or even take yourself on holiday. Spend the day on your own if that is what is best for you. (If that feels a bit raw due to a recent break upread this)    If you do go, don’t feel you have to stay – book a hotel nearby if necessary.

Even if you want to see your family – you can still need a little mental break.  Take the family dog for a walk. Take a book to read whilst the family watch the same Christmas films for the hundredth time.  Go for a nap.

Remember, it is just one or two days, and a great opportunity to make memories with your nearest and dearest. Even if those memories belong in a sitcom.

So share your own Christmas funnies below and have Merry Christmas from Social Circle HQ

25 Thoughts you have on a Santa Pub Crawl

Our lovely Social Circle ladies ready for the Santa Pub Crawl.

Our lovely Social Circle ladies ready for the Santa Pub Crawl.

The Santa Pub Crawl is one of the jewels in the Social Circle calendar.  Everyone loves it and we take bookings months in advance. So of course, Steve called me and told me to write a blog so new members knew what to expect . “It will be fun” he said “and you can do a funny blog like you did for the Mingle party. People loved that.”

Despite being a member and host for three years, I have previously shirked the pub crawls. There have been a myriad of excuses; ‘I will be tired after work’, ‘pub crawls are not my thing’ or my personal favourite; ‘ugh it will be really busy and there will be so many people around.’   Yes, the irony of wanting to meet new people and avoiding social interaction is not lost on me. But given I am a professional, I decided to don my Santa outfit and go undercover. Purely for journalistic purposes you realise.

So here the 25 thoughts you have on a Santa Pub Crawl and more.

On donning a Santa outfit.

The night I went undercover as Santa, in the name of journalism right?

The night I went undercover as Santa, in the name of journalism right?

*puts on Christmas music, places a mince pie on a plate and pours a glass of mulled wine to get in the mood*

1. I wonder if Christmas music is used to torture people in the same way Britney spears was?

 *Follows YouTube make up guide and perfects red smokey eyes with glitter.*

2. Wow. I look hot.  I wonder if I will get a kiss under the mistletoe.

*scoffs entire pack of Tesco’s finest mince pies*

 *Wriggles into Santa outfit and tightens belt one (1) hole.*

3. Oh God I can’t breathe.

4, *checks self in mirror*  How have my tits merged into a mono-boob?  

*downs rest of mulled wine.*

5. I don’t need my coat, it will just get in the way.

On using public transport.

 “Hey it’s  Mrs Claus!!  Are you out ho-ho-hoing tonight?”

6. Holy f*ck its cold.  

7.Why won’t anyone sit next to me?   

 Little girl, rather too loudly, Its Santa!  But she is a woman???

8.  Curses self for contributing to this 2018 snowflake debate of the year.

Just some of the Social Circle Santas taking Manchester by storm

Just some of the Social Circle Santas taking Manchester by storm

On getting into the festive spirit

9. Thank god.  I am not the only one.  

I make a beeline for the other Social Circle ladies at the Bar who are fortunately easy to spot.

10. OK just a small wine. Pace yourself.

*orders large glass of merlot*

 11. Why are there willy straws and blow up dolls on the table?

Steve tells us that there was nothing Christmassy in the pound shop.  We are not buying it.

Len arrives, in crisp collar under his santa suit.  Me:  “ Ha Ha you look like you are going to gift someone a pair of broken legs.”

12.  Why am I so awkward?

Richard tells us about his Santa hat which he bought off a dodgy bloke in a pub.  At the touch of a button it moves and plays a tune. It is a fun combination of festive and slightly pervy.

The ladies compliment my velvet red lipstick, which duly gets passed around for people to try.

A random passerby, approximately 30, presses his nose against the window and looks at us in the same way a 5 year old would look at a new puppy.  His girlfriend was not impressed and drags him away.

13. “How do you go to the toilet with Rudolfs head between your legs?”

Gemma decides to put on a blow up doll puppet show for those passing by the window.  

Traumatising those passing by the Portland Bar and Grill

Traumatising those passing by the Portland Bar and Grill

Santa Goes Singing

Steve leads the way to China town. A few of us are nearly  taken out by passing traffic in Manchester’s festive live action version of Grand Theft Auto.

Steve tries to take a picture.  A plastic willy is trying to escape from the Tesco carrier bag. Because every little helps.

We are shuffled past some bouncers up some steep stairs into a dimly lit smokey bar.

14. What is this place? Are we in a karaoke bar?

Sally and Steve in the Karaoke Bar.

Sally and Steve in the Karaoke Bar.

15. I am not drunk enough for this. *downs sourz shot*

A man in a flashing Christmas jumper takes to the stage, brimming with confidence as he winks at the ladies and lifts the mike as the words to ‘we will rock you’ flash onscreen. 

Sally leans into me.  “He looks full of himself but you know it’s going to be sh*t.”

16. His performance is, indeed, rather sh*t.

Steve bounces over. “I have signed us all up for a Christmas song.  They only had Mariah Carey. We will be on in a minute.”

17. I am not drunk enough for this. *downs further shot.*

*looks up lyrics to All I want for Christmas because goddammit I am a pro.*

All 15 of us cram onto the tiny stage and Steve hands someone a camera.

Feed the World comes up on screen.

18. I am not drunk enough for this.

Two verses later.

19. *grabs microphone*  FEED THE WORLD LET THEM KNOW ITS CHRISTMAS TIME

Takes pictures with Dave against the Manchester Bee.  These Santas are getting ready to Slay (Sleigh).

Sleighing it as Santa - despite monoboob concerns.

Sleighing it as Santa – despite monoboob concerns.

Steve lines us all up outside a massage parlour for a headcount.

20. Where’s Nigel?

Festive Fab-ness.

We found Nigel!

We found Nigel!

“Someone make Nigel festive.” Steve yells.  I have somehow been given responsibility for the bag of willies, dolls and Christmas hats.

  I hand Nigel a Santa Hat and promise him we won’t lose him this time.

 

21. O-M-G fab cafe!  Please be taking us to Fab Cafe?!?!

22. He is, he is taking us to Fab cafe. *squeals*

You been here before Heather? Someone asks.  I don’t respond as I am too busy running inside to see if they have made the Darlek festive.  I was not disappointed.

23. Minimum £5 spend on cards. Fek.  Orders a Guinness and a tonne of retro sweets.

24. Perhaps I can give these out to handsome men.

Looks around bar. Average age 20 and already visibility suffering an existentialist crisis brought on by the price of housing and avocados.

Gives haribo to boys in party who give to other santa-ettes.

*scoffs rest of sweets*

Annette tries to persuade everyone that Alice Cooper would be much more festive than the Smiths.  Everyone agrees. Except the DJ.

We love Fab Cafe.  Even if they didnt play Alice Cooper.

We love Fab Cafe. Even if they didnt play Alice Cooper.

25. Lines up for photos. Checks photos.  Ugh mono-boob strikes again.

“Where do you get your dress from?”

Tesco. Hence why I look like a bit Basic.” *laughs at own joke*

Suddenly feel tired. “Steve I got to go.”

“But we are going to ultimate Christmas power Ballads.  You know how you love that.” Steve protests.

“Last time I ended up breaking up a fight and snogging a 25 year old.”

“Exactly! You love it.”

I call it a night and say my goodbyes.  Annette asks why I am leaving.

“I am tired and old.”

“F*ck off I am older than you.”

Off they went into the O2 Ritz to have a grand old time singing their little hearts out and bouncing around on the dancefloor.  

Founder Steve with Resident Host and Blogger, Heather.

Founder Steve with Resident Host and Blogger, Heather.

But this Santa had to be home to wrap her presents and write her list of the naughty things those social circle Santa’s got up to on their night of debauchery.

Merry Christmas from everyone at Social Circle!!

Christmas Party Do’s & Don’ts.

It is the time of year where the invites roll in - but do you know your Christmas Party etiquette?

It is the time of year where the invites roll in – but do you know your Christmas Party etiquette?

Social Circle attended our annual Christmas Ball this weekend.  Typically, there were a number of companies and groups in the same place. It served as a rather eye-opening reminder of the etiquette of Christmas socialising.  We have put together some Christmas Party Do’s & Don’ts so you can truly relax and have a great time without f**king up your career or relationships.

DO: Wear something that makes you feel gorgeous and comfortable.

The ladies in attendance at the Ball looked stunning in their various plunge line jump suits and high heels but it was not long before the discomfort started showing.  Constantly pulling at your top or staggering on your heels is a sure sign that you are not 100% confident and comfortable which will impact on your memories of the event.   There are beautiful clothes for every size and occasion.You can be both elegant and comfortable, so choose wisely and let your confidence shine.

DON’T: Make a tit of yourself in respect of the dress code.

It goes without saying that you should observe the dress code for any event.  Yes, you may be a person who gives zero f**ks and maybe you are known for being a bit quirky.  However, if you are at an event with your colleagues and others in your industry then a failure to follow the rules could cast doubt over your professionalism and affect promotional prospects.  Even socially, putting two fingers up to social norms or failing to observe attention to detail can cause difficulties when socialising and alter people’s perception of you.

Wearing a coloured suit and paisley shirt when everyone is in black tie has all eyes on you for the wrong reason. Likewise, not checking the fit of your dress before you go bouncing around on the dance floor did lead to one woman repeatedly exposing her boobs to everyone in the room. All credit to her, she didn’t let the wardrobe malfunction phase her but it could have been avoided by a little attention to detail (i.e tit tape and tighter straps).  

Maybe this sounds a bit judgemental – but if you genuinely did not care you wouldn’t be reading this blog.

DO: Pace yourself.

When the prosecco is on free flow and numerous rounds are on the boss, knocking back the drinks becomes a little too easy.  However, know your limits. You don’t have to drink alcohol, and if you do make sure you drink slowly and have plenty of soft drinks too.  Pacing yourself will mean that you recover quickly the next day, and have some great memories.

DON’T. Drink to oblivion.

Alcohol impairs your judgement. The temptation to tell your boss what you think of her or make a move on your office crush may suddenly seem like the best idea you have ever had.  (spoiler – it’s not) Drinking to the extent you black out or throw up is not only a social faux-pas, especially with colleagues, but could compromise your safety. If you do find you hit your limits, call it a night and get a cab home.

Looks like fun, but will they regret it in the morning?

Looks like fun, but will they regret it in the morning?

DO:  Take the opportunity to chat to new people.

Even if you are at friends or a work function, the fact that so many people are in the same room is a really good opportunity to meet new people. Maybe you have never met  or they are only the voice at the end of a phone. Go over and say hello. We found asking people to take photos was a good icebreaker, as was finding a mutual favourite tune on the dance floor.  Avoid talk about work, politics or religion and try to find thing you have in common.

DON’T:  Be the Christmas Creep.

Alcohol, everyone looking their best, and the prospect of another single-mas seems to bring out the desperate and downright creepy in some people.  Flirty eye contact, if reciprocated, can be fun. Full on death stares are just scary. By all means dance closer to your intended and try and strike up conversation. But gyrating behind your intended or the constant slut drops on that good looking colleague just strikes everyone as a bit needy and is a source of unwanted gossip.  The worst case scenario is that you could lose your job for getting a bit touchy-feely with the gorgeous Nicole because you did not take no for an answer.

DO:  Relax and Have a great time.

Christmas is a great time to relax with friends and colleagues and share a sense of achievement at another year of success. Have fun, enjoy the surroundings and laugh and dance to your heart’s content.

DON’T: Prioritise social media

Yes – parties are challenging for those who prefer online to face to face contact.  However, it is time to physically tear yourself away from your phone. You don’t have to check in online, constantly take pouty selfies or ignore your friends and colleagues in preference to social media. Of course, take photos and get silly in the photo booths. But you cannot build great memories if you are glued to your phone and not in the room.

So have fun at your Christmas Party, and have a very merry Christmas from all at Social Circle.

Social Circle at the Ball. As captured by a very nice but tipsy bystander.

Social Circle at the Ball. As captured by a very nice but tipsy bystander.

Your First Christmas Alone? Read This.

 

Single this Christmas? Make it your happiest yet.

Single this Christmas? Make it your happiest yet.

My friend reached out to me for advice on spending her first Christmas alone.   “Heather – I am dreading Christmas alone – how do you cope?”  This is her first Christmas following her separation and – as a long term single blogger – she reached out for my advice on best of it. She is not alone, as statistics show that the run up to Christmas is a peak time for break-ups.  

That is cold comfort when you are left out in the cold, whilst your neighbours homes seem to embody the warm and loving spirit of Christmas. I have been there. So when my friend reached out to me I looked back over how I turned what use to be a miserable time of year into an amazing period of fun, love and happiness even though I am single.  I promise you can have a very happy Single-mas.

The first Christmas alone is the hardest. But it does get better.

Breaking up leaves you conflicted.  There is anger, shame, guilt, depression, and confusion to deal with.  All of which are perfectly normal. Christmas brings that home more than any other time of year especially when once close friends seem to distance themselves.  For those of you in long term relationships it can feel like you have lost half your family.

So needless to say.  It is painful.

Firstly, accept that grief is part of the process. But it is temporary.  Do what you need to do to process your emotions in a healthy way.

For me, my first Christmas was spent asleep in my beautiful apartment. I was totally alone.  It was the first time I felt safe for a long time. I wasn’t ready to deal with people – and if you feel that way too – it’s OK.  

As those fluffy millennial memes will tell you. Self-Care is important.

However, note the advice to deal with things healthily.  This does not mean exacting revenge on your ex or asking friends to take sides. It should not mean a war over the kids or pets.  It does not drinking/eating/spending your way into oblivion. If you feel this way then do not be ashamed to seek professional help.

Over time I came to accept  the fundamental truth. There is no changing the past. You cannot see the future.  

But you are here now and you can make choices that enrich your life and for your longer term happiness.  You can decide to have a very merry Christmas – whether single or not.

#1 Define what it means to have a Happy Christmas.

The truth is – we often compromise with our loved ones at Christmas.  Perhaps you always went to ‘hers’, Maybe he always insisted on putting the star on the tree. Perhaps you always had to cook and entertain the same people. Maybe she always mocked the need to spend the entire day in a Christmas jumper.

Well, here is the good news.

You can have exactly the Christmas you want.

I suggest starting by making your own list.  First, write all the things you will miss about Christmas with your ex.  Yes, this is painful but bear with me. Secondly, write all the things that you wanted to do – but never did.

Go through your list and do your best to give yourself everything on that list.

Buy yourself an advent calendar. Decorate the tree how you want. Take yourself to a beach if you want to.  Sing your heart out at a carol concert.

Just indulge that little boy or girl inside who is really in need of a lot of love right now.

Define what makes you happy - then go do it!

Define what makes you happy – then go do it!

#2 Find your own way to give to those you love

Separation does not just impact on your emotions, but your finances too.  Having to find a new place, pay childcare etc, often means you cannot be as generous with gifts as you once were.  

Now is the perfect time to let any creative talents shine.

Maybe you have taken beautiful photos on your phone – in which case give them to your friends as a gift.  Maybe you have green fingers and can give home-grown flowers to your nearest and dearest. Make cakes, or layer cake ingredients in jars for a pretty gift.  Perhaps write a thoughtful letter to those who have supported you. Make decorations for those you love. Perhaps give a second hand book or movie you loved to someone you know you will enjoy it.

True friends will understand this, and unleashing your creative side will give you a happy glow.

#3 Get that Christmas Connection.

It can be easy to get grinch-like if you are feeling lonely – but here is the newsflash.  You are not the only person who is single at Christmas.

Firstly, you may find that a flurry of invites come through your door.  

No one likes the idea of someone spending Christmas alone. Over the last few years my friends have ignored my protests and bundled me into the back of a fiesta.  Thereafter I spend the day being force-fed amazing food whilst my friends children let you play with their toys.  I am eternally grateful for my friends. 

Other single friends may suggest a Christmas dinner together.

Go to a fancy restaurant or take a dish round to your friends.  Get merry and laugh. Distance is not an issue either! I have skyped friends in the USA whilst they are preparing dinner.

Don’t forget that there are charities that work all year round – and are desperate for volunteers.  Helping out at a soup kitchen or visiting lonely pensioners can be rewarding for all involved. It also is extremely humbling so hear how much hope and gratitude  people living in the worse possible circumstances have.

#4 Just remember – It is just one day.

Give yourself the gift of a life well lived.

Give yourself the gift of a life well lived.

I am not going to pretend it’s not tough at times, even years later.  But it is just one day. Wipe your tears-and the slate – clean. Think ahead to what you want your future to look like.  

Do you want to relieve the pain of what may have passed, or do you want to give yourself a gift of a bright and happy life?

Do you want to laugh more?  Have more fun? Try new activities?  Maybe meet new people? There is nothing to stop you.

You can commit now to making each and every day special.

You never know – it may mean you get to kiss that special someone under the Mistletoe.

But in the meantime. Have a Happy Single-Mas!!

P.s You are still loved, and will be fine I promise. You just need to realise that. 

Cuffing Season: The Survival Guide for Singles.

Brace yourselves. Its cuffing season and annoying couples are everywhere.

Brace yourselves. Its cuffing season and annoying couples are everywhere.

I love autumn.  Out come the chunky knits, long boots and I can kick at the fallen leaves whilst drinking my pumpkin spice latte.  But it also brings another horror alongside Halloween; Loved up couples are f*cking everywhere. Its cuffing season and if you are Single AF like me then you need a survival guide to get through it.

To the uninitiated, cuffing season is a phrase used to describe that time of year where our biological hardwiring makes us want to settle down and find a significant other.

It’s really is a thing.

Everywhere, newly ‘cuffed’ couples are changing their relationship status on Facebook and looking at each other with that dewy eyed look of love, and taking cute couple-y pictures.

 Why am I so bitter?  

Because I am uncuffed, and the person I want to be cuffed to, after telling me he did not want anything serious  is  now cuffed to someone else. Facebook status and all.  FML.

I am perfectly prepared to accept the fact that my laments as a singleton are borne out of a deep desire to be with my one true love.  But hey, I deal with my pain with humour m’kay.

The reality is that despite the thousands of apps and dating sites,  it can be difficult to find the right person. Just before Halloween my friend, Natalie, called me in floods of tears having been unceremoniously dumped by a man I was convinced was going to propose to her.

I took my resentment out on cuffed up couples on the dance floor at Ultimate Power. Everytime they got in our way with their kissing and squeezing of each others butts  I walloped them over the head with an inflatable microphone.  Fortunately, they were so into each other no one hit me back.

Cuffing season also brings the desperate and needy to your door.

 I have been online dating for a while and recent weeks saw me hit record numbers of messages and likes from various men.  I chatted to a few but the desperation was evident. It got creepy. From the guy photo-shopping pictures of me to the one talking about meeting his family and going on holiday before we had even met.  I decided that being single is better than cosying up to the insides of a body bag.

So I was left with one option.  I had to choose to be happy and in love with life.

Whether I was cuffed or not.

So I needed a plan.

Be grateful for everything you do have.

Be grateful for everything you do have.

Cuffing Season Survival Tip #1: Take stock of what you DO have.

If you are reluctantly single, it can be easy to focus on the one thing you lack: A relationship.   Law of attraction principles state what you focus on brings more of the same. So if you focus on your lack of a relationship you will forever remain single. It figures.  Even if you don’t buy into The Secret and all that.  Focusing on what you lack rather than what you have makes you miserable.

So I decided I needed to shift my focus from being single to all the areas where things are going extraordinary well.

If you live in Manchester, with its relatively low cost of living and have a good job, you can have a great life.  For example, I live in a stunning apartment in media city, enjoy my work as a lawyer, have a side hustle as a blogger and novelist, travel when I want and enjoy a hosting a variety of activities with Social Circle.  I look better than I have ever done and I am fit and healthy. Any of those things could be taken from me at a moments notice.

So its wise to look at your life with gratitude and not focus on the things you don’t have.

Because really, being single does not prevent me from the privilege of having a good quality life.  

Word from the wise.  If you are not happy with any aspect of your life- apart from being single – then it makes sense to deal with that area.

Work on giving yourself a rich and fulfilling life and indulge your interests.  Start that fitness regime, start writing that book, learn cake decorating, plan your travels. You don’t need to wait to share your interests with your perfect someone. In fact being single is the perfect time to try all those things you always wanted to try.

Spending time with friends & family in nature is good for the soul.

Spending time with friends & family in nature is good for the soul.

Cuffing Season Survival Tip #2: Focus on Friends and Family.

One of the reasons being single can be hard at times is that we are social creatures by nature.  There is a wealth of evidence to suggest those with strong social networks live longer.

But you don’t need a romantic relationship to enjoy the health benefits.  

The great thing about autumn and winter is the opportunity to connect with friends and family. 

Football season has brought with it the opportunity to spend time with my dad and go to my first football match. I am not a football fan, but I love my dad and will relish the time spent with him. Hey I may even enjoy it!    I met up with new friends to go walking in Heaton Park and enjoyed a vegan picnic. Both allowed me to take part in important parts of my friends and families lives and expand my own horizons.

FYI spending time in nature is great for the soul. Why not join me for a jaunt in Styal Woods?

So go out with friends to a film or even join your fellow single social circlers in laughing at how  awful dating can by joining us for True Dating Stories.  If you are watching the pennies ahead of Christmas check out last weeks blog for Socialising on a Shoestring.

But if all that activity is not beating the Singletons blues, then you need the ultimate antidote to loneliness.

Single? You got to Love yourself baby.

Single? You got to Love yourself baby.

Cuffing Season Survival Tip # 3: Love Yourself.

I am perfectly aware that you have just rolled your eyes at this bit.

I do too every time I see this advice.

Why ?

Because what does that actually f*cking mean? 

I wasn’t sure myself. Not really.  

Which is why I was chasing after love externally.  I didn’t know how it felt to love yourself.

I have been breaking through some bad habits with hypnosis and came across a download called ‘How to love Yourself’ .   It is amazing!

In essence, loving yourself involves having a relationship with yourself that you would envisage with another.  One that is fulfilling and playful where you are loyal and kind to yourself.  Be compassionate if you do fall back into bad habits. Apologise if you do criticise yourself too harshly. You are whole and unique regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.

It’s amazing how such a simple shift in mindset has a profound effect on my mood and the way I go about my life.   I am now starting the day with the thought;

What is the most loving thing I can do for myself today?

Here is what that looks like in practice.

  • I went to the gym, and I have had my hair done,  because those things felt good.
  • De-cluttering my apartment.  Not because anyone may drop around – although they do! – but because I value how good I feel when everything is tidy.
  • Saying ‘No’ to needless expenditure because I am now focused on my long term financial security.
  • Dealing with the pile of paperwork regarding taxes I have been ignoring for months.
  • I gave myself a genuine compliment when I looked in the mirror.
  • Buying books on politics  because I am interested in the subject.

Now previously, I may have forced myself to do those things because it looks good on my relationship CV, but not really immersed myself in them.  My motivation to find a relationship was so strong, I was ignoring how much I enjoyed those activities.  I have started to recognise little acts of self-love – such as buying myself flowers or having a lazy lie in – rather than feel guilty about it. 

In short, I was putting the prospect of a relationship before myself.

Not healthy.  

This was also the real source of my pain and angst at being single.

So trust me on this. Regardless of your age, gender, ethnicity or current relationship status.

Learn to Love yourself.  It is the only way to survive and thrive if you are single.

5 embarrassing stories so awful you will be glad it wasn’t you.

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Here at Social Circle, we know how socialising can make you nervous. You can be kept awake at night at all the awkward moments that could possibly happen  The truth is everyone has an embarrassing story to tell, whether it be spinach in your teeth or forgetting someone’s name moments after you have just met them.  Even President Trump got loo roll stuck to his feet. We asked some of our social circle hosts and members for their most terrifying tales of red-faced woe and boy did they deliver the goods.  Get ready to read our top five most embarrassing stories, that are so embarrassing, you will be glad it wasn’t you. (Number #5 is our cringe-worthy favourite)

Warning. These stories are not for the faint of heart or sensitive dispositions.

#1 Head over Heels.

It was one of those fateful evenings where Murphy’s law was going to take away any shred of dignity I owned.

It was a cold night in November. Me and the lads had organised to go into town and have a few drinks and onto a club.  Full of bravado, we approached a table of attractive girls and invited them to join us at the club. They accepted. I strode ahead of the group and opened the door for bashful young ladies who were now nervously shuffling behind me.

Except the step outside had turned to ice and I slipped and fell, banging the back of my head on the step.

I woke up hours later in hospital, bandage round my head and severely bruised ego.

At my bedside was my best mate, and a pretty brown eyed girl who was apparently very concerned.

I told this story at part of my best man’s speech at their wedding.

Jez, 46.

 

#2 Awkward Introductions.

I remember one of my first events as a Social Circle Host. It was a swanky affair at Eperhay Champagne Bar so I was keen to impress and dressed up in the classic little black dress. I saw a group of three guys look at me as I arrived so I flashed them my brightest smile and introduced myself.

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks when there was an uproar of laughter from the group stood behind them. Turns out I had just introduced myself to three complete strangers to the amusement of my group that evening.

It was a memorable introduction to say the least.

I shudder to think what they I think I meant when I asked whether they were ready to have a great time.

*facepalm*

Heather, 38

 

#3 Foul Line

I was going bowling, quite a few people including a few attractive ladies. So, keen to make a good impression I was determined to win.  As I bent to throw the ball there was a loud rip as my pants split down the seams and suddenly my blue boxers were on show to all.

Got a strike through.

Nigel, 51

 

#4 Party in my Pants

There was a party at the Ritz, bubbles,  glow in the dark tubes, and power ballads.  I wolfed down a greasy burger from one of the Oxford Road takeaways and took my place with my friend in the (very long) queue.  Twenty minutes in, and I feel a sharp pain in my gut and that rumbling pressure in my bowel that suggested I needed to make a quick exit.  I told my mates I needed the loo and made a sharp exit, heading to the bar across the road.

I pushed revellers out of the way, back braced and bum clenched hard.

It was too late though.

The remains of the burger made its way to the outside.  The tell-tale warm and heavy mass filled my boxers as I rushed into the first available cubicle.

Fortunately my jeans were unharmed so I stripped and threw them over the top of the cubicle door and sat on the loo, unleashing the beast within.  It was only then did I notice that the stall was out of loo roll. The only thing I could use was my socks.   I dumped my boxers in the bin (RIP) along with the now-soiled socks and scarpered out of there.

The janitors screams could be heard throughout Manchester.

I headed back to my place in the Queue and my mates were none the wiser. Kinda spoiled my the evening though.

Jon, 34

 

#5 Nightmare at the Cinema

I met a guy online and we arranged a  date to see the horror flick ‘Hereditary’. Not particularly romantic I know.  It was during the heatwave so I wore a pale pink dress. He was gorgeous so I was very nervous and my stomach was churning. We quickly settled down to watch the film with the obligatory bags of chocolate and popcorn.   I was on the edge of my seat throughout the film. I didn’t notice my date gently reaching for my hand.  Feeling something brush against my fingers, I  screamed and  jumped out of my seat,  letting out the loudest ripper of a fart. To make matters worse, I clearly had sat on some chocolate prompting the teens behind me to point and laugh saying I must have sharted.

My date just looked at me in utter horror.  I excused myself to go to the bathroom and fled the cinema.

Bless him, he did try to call to see if I was alright.  But I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him again after that.

Still single.  Julie, 31

Yikes!! Is it safe to come out yet?  

Never fear, all our storytellers went on to enjoy socialising with Social Circle (even if they did insist on their names being changed).  

So tell us, if you dare, what are your most embarrassing stories?